My Abuser Contacted Me Tonight....

So, after many years of absolutely no contact from my abuser, he has tried to contact me. I am not sure why he thought I would be ok with him trying to contact me or what the purpose was of him trying to reach me. He said in the message that he would like to ask my forgiveness. How do you forgive someone who tried to kill you multiple times? Don't get me wrong, I have forgiven him for my own sanity's sake. On the other hand, I don't think I should have to talk to him in order to tell him that I have already forgiven him. The things he said and did to me will forever affect me, even if it's only in small, minute ways.

When I met him, I hadn't been out of high school for that long and had already previously been in a seriously abusive relationship that didn't end well. I remember the only thing that kept me going during my tumultuous relationship with him was being able to talk to my family (when he allowed me to speak with them) and listening to music while he was at work. So, after he contacted me earlier this evening, I felt like I had to turn to music to try to block out all of those negative things from coming back into the forefront of my mind.

I decided to go to my Amazon Prime account since they are running a promotion right now for all Prime members who listen to a song on the Prime Music to be entered into a sweepstakes to win $25,000 in Amazon gift cards. Anyways, while I was listening to the playlist I was on, the song Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri came on. I have always loved this song, but it had special meaning tonight. He had hurt me so much and there are so many things I wanted to say about the way he made me feel. But I know that even attempting to talk to him wouldn't do me or anyone else any good. So I decided to sing along with the song (quietly of course because my roommate is sleeping!).

If you have ever dealt with domestic violence in any form, I know where you're coming from. I almost died multiple times because of him and other abusers I have had. I can only continue to pray that things will keep getting better for me and that I won't make the same mistakes I made before.

Thanks for listening,

~Robynne~