As a survivor of domestic violence, one
of the things I honestly hate the most is hearing people criticize
other people who are in a situation where they are having to deal
with abuse. I hate it when people comment and say things like, “Well,
if that was me, I would have left a long time ago.” It's much
easier said than done when you're actually in the situation, though,
and I wish there was a way that I could make people understand that.
My first abusive relationship started shortly after I graduated from
high school (a few years at most). Looking back on it now I recognize
the warning signs and can see when the behavior started in him but
when it was happening I thought it was just regular relationship
arguing and drama. Anywho, I had people (so-called friends) who
thought it was helpful to throw their comments in there about what I
should be doing with my life and how I should have recognized it long
before I did and because of the fact that I didn't, I somehow wanted
to be abused!
Who, in their right mind, actually
WANTS to be abused?? I have never met anyone who does (aside from
people who have certain fetishes, of course). My question, though, to
the people who want to comment on what the person should be doing to
make their situation better is: What are you doing to help them? Have
you offered them a way to get away from that situation they're
currently in? Have you offered to help them get connected with people
or an organization who CAN help them if you can't really do anything
to help yourself (or if you aren't exactly sure what you can do to
help)?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that
I honestly don't think you're really helping the situation at all by
commenting on things that you know nothing about. If you have never
been abused or dealt with something like that before in your life,
who are you to judge those of us who have? With my second abuser I
was in and out of the emergency room so much and my last visit the
doctors told me that I was lucky to be alive.
When I was dealing with the abuse I
would have loved to have been able to talk to someone and share my
experiences with that person. Just to have someone to confide in
would have been great. That's what really matters at the end of the
day. If you can't do anything else for someone in an abusive
situation, even if you can just be a supportive confidant, that makes
a huge difference.
I hope that one day people will be able
to stop being so judgmental (but I know that's wishful thinking). I
think you would be able to affect more people if you take the
positive road and offer them support or at least try to find them
someone who is able to give them the support they need. Instead of
asking why this person sticks around and deals with the abuse, ask
them what you can do to help. Maybe that person has been praying for
a solution.
As for me, if you would like to know
more of my domestic violence story, I would be willing to share my
experiences (and I have multiple videos pertaining to my experience
on my YouTube channel: TheMizzmercury). I am also a supporter of
anyone going through a hard time (whether it be domestic violence or
whatever the case may be). Feel free to reach out to me if you need
someone to talk to or if there's something you need help with and I
will do my best to either help you myself or hook you up with
resources who can.
Be Blessed and Believe in Yourself-I
know you can do it :)
