Being Abused & Being Judged

As a survivor of domestic violence, one of the things I honestly hate the most is hearing people criticize other people who are in a situation where they are having to deal with abuse. I hate it when people comment and say things like, “Well, if that was me, I would have left a long time ago.” It's much easier said than done when you're actually in the situation, though, and I wish there was a way that I could make people understand that. My first abusive relationship started shortly after I graduated from high school (a few years at most). Looking back on it now I recognize the warning signs and can see when the behavior started in him but when it was happening I thought it was just regular relationship arguing and drama. Anywho, I had people (so-called friends) who thought it was helpful to throw their comments in there about what I should be doing with my life and how I should have recognized it long before I did and because of the fact that I didn't, I somehow wanted to be abused!

Who, in their right mind, actually WANTS to be abused?? I have never met anyone who does (aside from people who have certain fetishes, of course). My question, though, to the people who want to comment on what the person should be doing to make their situation better is: What are you doing to help them? Have you offered them a way to get away from that situation they're currently in? Have you offered to help them get connected with people or an organization who CAN help them if you can't really do anything to help yourself (or if you aren't exactly sure what you can do to help)?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I honestly don't think you're really helping the situation at all by commenting on things that you know nothing about. If you have never been abused or dealt with something like that before in your life, who are you to judge those of us who have? With my second abuser I was in and out of the emergency room so much and my last visit the doctors told me that I was lucky to be alive.

When I was dealing with the abuse I would have loved to have been able to talk to someone and share my experiences with that person. Just to have someone to confide in would have been great. That's what really matters at the end of the day. If you can't do anything else for someone in an abusive situation, even if you can just be a supportive confidant, that makes a huge difference.

I hope that one day people will be able to stop being so judgmental (but I know that's wishful thinking). I think you would be able to affect more people if you take the positive road and offer them support or at least try to find them someone who is able to give them the support they need. Instead of asking why this person sticks around and deals with the abuse, ask them what you can do to help. Maybe that person has been praying for a solution.

As for me, if you would like to know more of my domestic violence story, I would be willing to share my experiences (and I have multiple videos pertaining to my experience on my YouTube channel: TheMizzmercury). I am also a supporter of anyone going through a hard time (whether it be domestic violence or whatever the case may be). Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to or if there's something you need help with and I will do my best to either help you myself or hook you up with resources who can.

Be Blessed and Believe in Yourself-I know you can do it :)